


Bittersweet Revelry

by slaysvamps



Category: Angel: the Series RPF, Kane (Band), Leverage RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 01:29:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2210559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slaysvamps/pseuds/slaysvamps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kalin Hart finds herself working for Christian Kane, the one man she could never forget, hiding secrets she desperately wants to keep hidden. Unfortunately, the truth always comes out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Days Behind

**Author's Note:**

> I had the idea for this story a couple of years ago and spent a few months closely following Kane and various fan groups of Kane on Twitter and Facebook. From those sources and from various articles and interviews, I was able to accumulate a number of facts about his life, friendships and schedule over several months in 2011. While my research has given this story a semblance of realism, this story is a work of fiction, and is in no way meant as an insult to Kane or any of the other celebrities or public figures mentioned. 
> 
> Tom Wright is a director who did in fact direct two episodes of Angel (S01E21 Blind Date in 2000 and S02E16 Epiphany in 2001). He went on to direct three episodes of Dark Angel (S01E16 Pollo Loco and S02E03 Proof of Purchase in 2001 and S02E11 The Berrisford Agenda in 2002) as well as an episode of Bones (S02E07 The Girl with the Curl in 2006). David Boreanaz joined Twitter in March of 2011.
> 
> I don’t know much if anything about consulting firms for celebrities, so I made up Kalin’s job as I went along. Mills Consulting is a complete fabrication. Ingenuity seems to be a popular name for marketing firms, but I use the name here in a completely fictitious manner. Kane was in fact signed to Bigger Picture Music Group at the time The House Rules was released but I have no idea if they hired anyone like Kalin to help keep him organized. 
> 
> A special apology is needed to David Boreanaz for making him the bad guy and for giving Kalin my opinion of Bones. 
> 
> I have no way of knowing if Kane had a drug problem while working on Angel, though at one point he did live in the same building as David Boreanaz.
> 
> I also should apologize for the shortness of some of the chapters, but some of them just worked out that way.
> 
> Story title and chapter titles are drawn from Christian Kane and Steve Carlson songs.

~*~ March 12, 2011 ~*~

It wasn’t easy finding the conference room in building that housed the sound stage for Leverage, but eventually I managed. I told myself that reluctance to find the room had nothing to do with my difficulty, but I didn’t really believe it. Surprisingly, I walked into the meeting exactly on time.

“Ah, here she is,” Jeremy said, coming to his feet. “Chris, this is the young lady I was telling you about, Kalin Hart.”

I’d been working for Jeremy Mills for nearly two years now, and it wasn’t until recently that I regretted it. About the time Jeremy had told me I’d have to look after Christian Kane, as a matter of fact. I’d spent years avoiding the man, and now I had to work with him? Life wasn’t fair.

Christian got to his feet as well and held his hand out to me. “I’ve been hearing a lot of good things about you,” he said as he shook my hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Thank you, Mr. Kane,” I said, keeping my voice even with an effort. “I look forward to working with you.”

If Christian noticed my lack of enthusiasm it wasn’t my fault. I’d told Jeremy I didn’t want this assignment, but Bigger Picture Music Group was one of Mills Consulting’s newest clients and this was our first assignment for the company. Jeremy was trying to break into the music industry and since he claimed I was the best personal assistant he had to offer, I got this gig.

“You seem familiar,” Christian said thoughtfully as he let my hand go. “Have we met?”

“Kalin worked for Tom Wright, back when he directed for Angel,” Jeremy put in before I could answer, gesturing for me to sit down. “Just before you left, I believe, second season.”

Christian gave a small laugh and ran a hand through his hair. It was longer than he’d worn it all those years ago. “I suppose I should apologize then,” he said as we all sat down. “I wasn’t exactly at my best at that point in my career.”

“That was eleven years ago, Mr. Kane,” I replied calmly. “I’m sure we’ve all changed a great deal.”

He seemed relieved. “Well, I hope so. Please, call me Christian. We’ll be working together for a while, after all.”

“Of course,” I murmured. I’d been handling this meeting just fine so far, but I didn’t think I could say his name without thinking about the last time I’d called him by name.

I opened the notebook I’d brought with me and the meeting really began. I barely noticed when a girl brought in refreshments, staying focused on the information I needed, asking questions, writing notes. 

Nearly two hours later I had enough to begin. Jeremy looked satisfied at my thoroughness, but Christian looked ready for a drink.

“I apologize for the third degree, Mr. Kane,” I told him. “Future meetings will be much shorter, I assure you.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” he said with a charming smile that nearly made my heart stop. “But I did ask you to call me Christian, or Chris, if you prefer.”

“Chris, then,” I agreed, trying not to let my reluctance show. “And I’m Kalin, of course.”

“Great. Shall we meet early next week then?” he asked. “Filming’s pretty intensive for this episode, but I’ll have time on set if you need it.”

Given his schedule, set visits were probably going to have to be the norm, so I agreed to visit the set on Monday afternoon. After a final hand shake, Jeremy and I left the building. It was easier to navigate on the way out, and not, I hoped, because I was more eager to leave than I had been to come.

“He doesn’t seem hard to work with,” Jeremy commented. “Was he really so difficult on Angel?”

“There was a reason he was asked to leave,” I replied vaguely. It was the truth, so far as it went, but Christian’s drug problem decade ago wasn’t why I wanted to avoid him. “I’m sure that’s all settled now, at any rate. They did bring him back to Angel in the fifth season.”

“And he has managed to hold this gig,” Jeremy said with a smile. “Series regular going into the fourth season, plus his record release and radio tour. I think you’ll be able to work with him just fine.”

Yeah, just fine, I thought bitterly. As long as I managed not to sleep with him again, or mention the souvenir from our last meeting I had waiting for me at home. Oh, and as long as a certain someone didn’t get wind I was back in Christian’s life. 

I wasn’t planning on holding my breath. I gave it two months, tops, before my life imploded, again.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Mama!”

I bent and grabbed Cheyenne around the waist, hugging her and lifting her off her feet. “Hi, baby,” I said, bending my face in her hair. “Did you miss me?”

“Did you meet him?” she demanded, wriggling out of my grip to land on her feet. “Did you, mama?”

I stifled a sigh. It was just my luck that my 10 year old daughter was obsessed with Christian Kane. She begged to watch Leverage episodes on the TNT website for days after they aired, and had nearly worn out the CD I’d bought her for Christmas.

“I did meet him,” I told her, kicking off my shoes and walking further into the house. “But I told you I’d met him before.”

“On Angel, yeah,” she said, excited. “Is his hair still long? Does he sound like Eliot?”

It took me a while to calm her down enough to be able to greet Amy, my Au Pair. Amy was a godsend, really. She was attending UCLA but taking mostly on line classes, which allowed her to travel with me and Cheyenne whenever I had a job out of town. She was going for a teaching degree, and was trying to get citizenship.

Amy knew that Cheyenne’s obsession drove me crazy, and that I hadn’t been looking forward to working with Christian, but other than some questioning looks, she didn’t bring it up until after Cheyenne had gone to bed.

“How was it?” she asked.

“About how I thought it would be,” I said with a wry smile. “He didn’t really remember me, I’m sure everything will be fine.”

She smiled. “I hope you’re right. If you ever need to talk….”

“Yeah, I appreciate that,” I told her. “I’m sure it will be fine.”


	2. Making Circles

~*~ March 12, 2011 ~*~ 

It had been a while since I’d been on the set of a TV show, but really, it was like riding a bike. I’d worked in television as a Director’s Assistant for nearly seven years, and the only thing that had really changed was the cameras. Well, and the number of green screens, from what I’d heard, at least for Leverage. This particular day’s filming didn’t have any of those, but it was interesting to watch the monitors as Christian and Timothy Hutton went head to head.

“You know, I meant to ask,” Christian said later in his trailer, after we’d gone through the tentative schedule I’d drawn up for him. “Was I horrible, when we met on Angel?”

“Nothing stands out in my memory either way,” I lied. “You didn’t offend me, if that’s what you’re asking.” That much was the truth, at least.

“So I didn’t make any… unwanted advances?” he asked carefully.

His question told me the rumors had been right about his drug use and promiscuity, that last month or so on the set of Angel. I didn’t remember him being stoned, but I’d been young then, and really hadn’t known him well. Knowing him in the Biblical sense didn’t actually count.

“Mr. Kane, Chris,” I corrected myself before he could, “I understand that you were going through a difficult period during that time. I think it’s best that we forget it and move on, don’t you?”

“That’s not really an answer,” he murmured, looking at me thoughtfully, “but I suppose you’re right. What are you doing for dinner? A bunch of us usually go out after shooting’s done for the day.”

“Thank you, but I have plans this evening,” I told him, thinking about the inquisition Cheyenne would have waiting for me when I walked through the door.

“A date?” he asked softly.

“I’m sorry,” I said coolly, “but I am a private person, I’m sure you understand that I prefer to keep my personal life to myself.”

“Hardly seems fair,” he said with a smile. “I mean, you know every damn thing about me, down to my mama’s birthday.”

“Perhaps,” I replied softly, “but I think it would be best to keep my personal life separate from the job here. It’s just easier that way.”

“Well, I can’t say I won’t try to change your mind,” he warned me. “Come meet Tim and Beth and the others before you go. Networking,” he added with a grin. “Purely business.”

Christian left me with Beth Reisgraf and Aldis Hodge when he went to change out of his costume. Beth was nice enough, full of admiration for Christian, for all the cast really. Aldis was as charming as I’d expected, big smiles and friendly words about everyone. We talked for a while about Leverage, and Christian, and by the time Christian came back with Tim Hutton and Gina Bellman I had nearly forgotten that he was coming back.

It was interesting to see the interaction between the actors. It was obvious that the cast of Leverage was one big happy family. I wondered if it were simply the people involved, or if Christian was naturally this charming when his personality wasn’t dimmed by drugs. Of course, I remembered him being quite charming even with them.

Beth tried to talk me into going for dinner as well, but I made my excuses, telling myself I didn’t feel regret at not making the effort to get to know Christian’s friends. It was better that I kept myself apart, really. The less these people knew about me, the less chance they’d find out the truth about Cheyenne, and the less I’d miss them when I had to leave.

 

~*~ March 24, 2011 ~*~ 

Over the next few weeks, Christian continued to try and find out more about my personal life. Beth and Aldis tried as well, and given the amount of time I spent on set waiting for Christian to have a free moment, it seemed like I was always being bombarded with questions. Unfortunately, my privacy couldn’t last forever.

“Chris is playing at Duke’s on Monday,” Beth said to me one day late in March. “You comin’ down?”

“No, I don’t think so,” I told her. “Not really my type of place.” Not that any bar was, lately. At least, not since I’d found out I was pregnant with Cheyenne.

“Yeah, but it’s Kane,” she said, as if that should make a difference.

And it would have made a difference, once. Hell, if Cheyenne were older, she’d drag me down there just to get a glimpse of her idol. “I see him all the time, Beth,” I pointed out. “No need to have my eardrums blown just to see him in my off hours.”

“Have you even heard him sing?” she asked.

“I have.” I’d seen him play on Angel and Leverage, listened to his voice coming out of my daughter’s room, but more than that his voice had played in my ear during many late nights I’d spent alone. I’d even seen him play live once, at the Viper Room, back when he and Carlson had played there every chance they could get.

“Not a Country fan, then?”

“I like some of it,” I told her. “Taylor Swift, Toby Keith.”

“Ha!” she laughed. “A fact! You’re slippin’ today, Kalin.”

I laughed with her, but I knew deep down that I could only hold these friendly people at bay for so long. 

 

~*~ March 29, 2011 ~*~

“You missed a sweet show, Kalin,” Christian told me when I got on set the next morning. “Haven’t had that much fun since we started filmin’.”

His accent was heavier than usual and dark shadows pooled beneath his eyes even with the concealer the makeup girl was putting on.

“Yeah, yeah,” I murmured as I sat down in an empty chair. “Whiskey, women and song. Did you get any sleep at all?”

“Sleepin’ would have been an insult to the lady, believe me.” He gave a satisfied sigh and leaned back in his chair with his eyes closed. “I’ll catch up on it tonight. Steve’ll be in later, can you make sure he’s around for lunch? We need to talk about the ACMs. I’d like him to come along.”

It took me a moment to gather myself enough to answer. When I let myself think about it, I knew that Christian was a damned fine looking man, and it was no secret that he loved women. I knew his schedule, knew who’s birthday’s he didn’t want to forget and what anniversaries he needed help remembering, and there had been no hint of a significant other, or even a semi regular friend with benefits. No great stretch then to think he’d take every opportunity to set his libido free.

I agreed to keep an eye out for Steve, but I wasn’t sure Christian heard me. If he hadn’t moved at the makeup girl’s prompts, I’d have sworn he was sleeping. Of course we got nothing done before he started shooting, and I had my doubts we’d get much of anything done before he caught up on his sleep.

Steve showed up about an hour before lunch, looking only a little more rested than Christian. I’d met him once, a long time ago, but he didn’t show any signs of remembering me and I certainly didn’t bring it up. He chatted easily with cast and crew while we waited for Christian to break for lunch. Not surprisingly, Beth and Aldis joined us.

“You votin’ for our boy here, Kalin?” Beth asked when lunch was nearly over.

“You mean for Country’s Hottest Bachelor?” I said, looking up. When she nodded, I admitted, “Part of the job, you know.”

“So you did vote for me?” Christian asked with a smile.

“Well, I very nearly voted for Jake Owen,” I replied. “He’s got some sexy hair going on these days. And Josh Tompson’s dark eyes, mmm, that was enough to make me think about it a good long while. But in the end, you know, I had to vote for Chris. Can’t really ask the fans to do something I’m not doing.”

Steve and Aldis laughed, but Christian rolled his eyes. “I’ve got better hair than Jake Owen.”

“Of course you do,” Beth said, patting his arm. “And everyone knows that blue eyes are way sexier than brown.”

“Hey,” Aldis retorted. “I’ll have you know that brown eyes are the sexiest eyes there ever were.”

The conversation went downhill from there, the men boasting about their better assets while I couldn’t help but laugh right along with Beth.

 

~*~ April 13, 2011 ~*~

One afternoon Christian and I were going over some details when Aldis and Gina joined us during a break in filming. I hadn’t been able to help from liking the other members of the Leverage cast, so it was no chore to sit and chat with them for a while before Christian and I went back at it.

When my cell phone vibrated on the table I glanced at the screen intending to send the call to voicemail, but changed my mind when I saw who was calling.

“Excuse me,” I said quickly, standing answering the phone in one motion. “Cheyenne?” I asked into the phone as I walked to the other end of the room. “What’s the matter?”

“Mama,” she said, sounding like she was very close to tears. “Aragog is dead!”

“Oh, no, baby,” I said soothingly. “We talked about this, remember? He’s getting ready to molt.”

“But he hasn’t eaten in days, mama,” she half sobbed. “Now he’s lying on his back in his log and he doesn’t move at all, not even when I lift it up to look at him!”

“Remember what Charlie told you about how Tarantulas go into a kind of torpor just before they molt?” I reminded her gently. “How they lay on their back like that?”

She sniffled and thought about that for a moment. “Yeah, I remember. He said there’d be a spot on Aragog’s belly too, and I can see one there.”

“Nothing to worry about, then,” I said with a smile. “Now, put the log back down and let the poor thing molt in peace, okay? He should be fine by the time you go to bed tonight. It’s only supposed to take a couple of hours.”

“Okay.” She sniffled again, then seemed to remember she wasn’t supposed to call me when I was at work. “I’m sorry, mama. I thought he was dead, I shouldn’t—”

“It’s okay, honey, I understand. Just don’t make a habit of it,” I said, trying to be stern. “Why don’t you have Amy jump on the ‘net, remember that site we found last week on Tarantulas?”

“Yeah, that’d be great!” she exclaimed.

I shook my head at the speed in which her mood had changed. “All right. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Bye mama!” she said brightly. “Love you!”

“Love you too, baby,” I replied softly. Hanging up, I turned to find three sets of eyes on me. “Sorry about that.”

“We couldn’t help but overhear,” Gina said with a smile. “Family emergency?”

If Christian had asked, I might have blown him off, but I couldn’t do that to Gina. “Yeah,” I admitted. 

“Your daughter?” Gina asked.

Not looking at Christian, I nodded. “Cheyenne’s never had a pet play dead before. She’s a bit freaked.”

“A Tarantula, huh?” Aldis said, smiling. “Not your normal little girl’s pet.”

“Cheyenne’s not your usual little girl,” I said with a smile. 

“Bit of a tom girl?” Gina asked with a smile.

“Very much so,” I agreed. “She loves animals, drives Amy crazy sometimes.”

“Amy is your babysitter?” Gina inquired.

“My Au Pair, actually,” I replied. “I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

“You’ve never said much about yourself before, bit of a mystery, really,” Gina commented.

“Kalin likes to keep her private life private,” Christian murmured. 

I could feel his eyes on me, but I refused to look at him. I couldn’t help but wish that Cheyenne had called when the two of us had been alone, it would have been much easier for me to maintain my private life.

“Do you have a picture of, Cheyenne, is it?” Gina asked.

“Yes,” I said, pulling up the photo album on my phone. 

“That’s an unusual name,” she commented.

“My mother was born on the Northern Cheyenne Reservation,” I said as I chose one of the latest pictures of my daughter and handed the phone across the table. “I wanted my daughter to remember.”

Christian looked at me thoughtfully, equal amounts of speculation and respect in his eyes.

“Oh, she’s adorable!” Gina cooed. “Just look at that hair! And she has your eyes. Look, Chris,” she said as she passed the phone to Christian.

I bit my tongue, though I couldn’t think of anything I wanted less than for Christian to have anything to do with my daughter.

“She’s beautiful,” he murmured, looking at me as he passed Aldis the phone.

“Thank you,” I murmured.

“Quite the stunner,” Aldis agreed, handing me back the phone. “How old is she?”

I blanked the screen and pocketed the phone. “She’ll turn ten next week.”

Christian’s smile seemed a touch relieved, but perhaps that was my imagination. I knew he’d done the math, but however much he counted, he wouldn’t get it right. I’d only carried Cheyenne six months before an accident had forced the doctors to take her early.


	3. Somethings Gotta Give

~*~ April 25, 2011 ~*~ 

“The Country Weekly article is out,” I told Christian during our Monday meeting. I was on set every day, but we had longer meetings on Mondays and Thursdays. “You might want to post something about it on facebook or twitter, let the fans know.”

“You tweet, Kalin?” he asked, leaning back in his chair.

“I follow some Industry people,” I admitted. “Haven’t been on it much lately myself.”

“Some of the crowd from Angel is on twitter,” he told me, smiling. “David joined up a few weeks back.”

It was all I could do not to wince. The last time I’d seen Boreanaz had been a bloody nightmare, one I didn’t care to think about. In fact in the last 10 years, the only good news I’d ever heard about the man was no news at all. 

“Not a fan?” Christian asked, seeing something in my expression.

“Not as such,” I said coolly.

“I thought everyone who’d worked on Angel loved the guy,” he murmured.

“When did you say you wanted to shoot the video for your next single?” I asked, trying to turn the subject away from the man I loathed.

“Come on, Kalin,” he said with a smile, “don’t you ever get tired of talking about work?”

“I do,” I admitted. “Once I get home, I put every thought of work right out of my mind.” Or I tried to, anyway. It wasn’t easy with Cheyenne blasting Christian’s music at all hours.

“Might wanna try thinking about other things durin’ the day too,” he suggested. “Make things a bit more fun for ya.”

“I’m not here to have fun, Mr. Kane,” I told him.

“Christ, back to that, are we?” he growled.

“I’m here to do my job,” I continued calmly, ignoring his protest. “We would get through this a lot more quickly if you’d stop trying to pry into my personal life.”

“It’s called makin’ friends, Kalin,” he said irritably. “You might wanna try it some time.”

“I have friends, Christian,” I said, emphasizing his name. “I simply prefer to keep my friends—”

“Separate from your job, I know,” he interrupted. “You know, Gina really likes you, and Beth and Aldis would love to be your friends, but you’re too damn busy throwin’ up walls to let anyone get close to you. What the hell happened to make you wanna live like that?”

Looking into his eyes, I clicked my pen closed, slid it into the pen holder on my leather notebook and snapped the notebook shut.

“We’re done here,” I said in a hard voice, lifting my eyes from his as I got to my feet.

Before I’d taken more than a step away from the table, his hand was on my arm, turning me around.

“I’m sorry, Kalin,” he said softly. “I just-I like to be friends with the people I work with.”

“I know that quite well,” I replied keeping my voice level, if not pleasant. I forced myself to meet his eyes again. “Unfortunately, I don’t feel the same.”

“I don’t remember you feelin’ this way when we met,” he said thoughtfully, his voice dropping enough to make my spine melt. “We were real friendly, back in the day. Is that why you’ve turned into an ice queen? Because of me?”

I pulled my arm from his grip and headed for the door. The last thing I needed was a reminder of the nights we’d spent together.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I shouldn’t have brought that up. I just—”

I paused and turned to look at him, taking in his narrowed eyes.

“You were fine before I brought up David,” he said thoughtfully.

That was enough to get me headed for the door once more, and once again I’d only taken a few steps before Christian’s hold on my arm stopped me and spun me around.

“It wasn’t me, it was Dave,” he said firmly, looking down into my eyes as if he could read my soul. “He said something, or did something to make you—”

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” I shot back. “Mr. Boreanaz’s behavior on the set of Angel was impeccable.” There was no way I’d say anything differently, not to one of Boreanaz’s friends. Bastard had enough to hold against me.

“Now, that sounds like a press statement, but at least it rings true,” Christian replied. “So where was it he behaved like an ass?”

“I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but there is no traumatic event that made me become a private person,” I told him, pulling away once more. “I have—”

“That’s a lie,” he insisted, watching my face closely.

“—learned over the years that privacy is the best policy, for me and for my clients,” I continued, ignoring the interruption. “If you choose to believe differently, well, that’s your prerogative.”

“And what would Dave say about his behavior toward you?” he asked.

I smiled coldly. “I doubt Mr. Boreanaz would remember anything about me truly,” I said honestly, “but you are welcome to ask.” It would certainly get me out of working for Christian a lot faster, after all. 

Without waiting for a response I walked out of his trailer.

 

~*~ April 26, 2011 ~*~ 

I was back the next day, of course. I didn’t want to be there, but we hadn’t finished going through what we needed to on Monday, and I wasn’t about to call Jeremy and tell him that his star client was being a pain in my ass. He’d only tell me to play nice and make friends, and I wasn’t about to bring that kind of pressure down on me.

As it turned out, the next few days I had to sit for hours watching while Christian got the shit beat out of him by Urijah Faber. Not literal shit, of course, but the fight certainly looked real enough, every single time they filmed it. Beth sat next to me but thankfully she didn’t say a word about how I flinched every time it looked like Christian was hit, and groaned the few times a blow actually landed.

“It’s okay,” she whispered once, during a break in the filming. “He does this all the time, he’ll be all right.”

I might have answered, but Christian met my eyes across the set. He eyed me warily for a moment, then nodded and turned to talk to the director.

Almost an hour later the scene was shot and Christian walked over to where Beth and I were sitting, wiping his face with a towel.

“Sorry we ran late,” he told me. “Had to make sure it all looked good.”

“It’s fine,” I told him, standing.

“She was worried you’d get hurt,” Beth said with a smile.

Christian looked at me in surprise.

“It’s been a while since I watched a fight scene being filmed,” I told him. “I’d forgotten how brutal they look.”

“Well, I’m fine, as you can see. Do you mind if I catch a quick shower before we get started?”

I agreed, more to have some time to recover than for anything else.

“You were worried about him,” Beth said when he’d walked away.

“Cheyenne’s a big fan,” I told her dismissively. “She’d cry if she found out he was hurt.”

“Right,” she said slowly. “I’m sure that’s all it was. You weren’t worried about his gorgeous body getting broken.”

“I-I don’t think about him like that,” I replied firmly.

“You know, I don’t know why you fight so hard to push him away,” she said thoughtfully. “You don’t do that with me, or Gina. Even Aldis says you’re real friendly when it’s just the two of you.”

I looked away. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Then you won’t have a problem hitting Dante’s with us this weekend,” she said firmly. “The whole gang will be there. You have to come.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but I let the words die on my tongue. “All right,” I told her.

“Yes!” she exclaimed. “You can bring a date if you want. You know, you never said if you have a boyfriend. If you don’t, I know a couple of guys—” 

“No, no,” I said quickly. “I have someone I can bring.”

“Oh,” she said, looking like she was trying not to sound disappointed. “Well, that’s great!”

Across the set, one of the PA’s called Beth’s name and she was off, headed for whatever scene they were shooting next.

I took my time walking to Christian’s trailer, not wanting to catch him still in the shower, or worse, just getting out of it. The door was open when I got there, and Christian was in the kitchen, making a sandwich. I accepted the iced tea he offered and we sat down at the table. Thankfully he didn’t mention our argument, or even try to turn the topic to personal matters.


	4. Let Me Go

~*~ May 1, 2011 ~*~ 

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” Charlie asked as he parked the car.

“Yeah, why do you ask?”

“Well, you’ve been working very hard to keep your private life away from this guy,” he pointed out. “I’m not gonna ask why, but now suddenly you call me up to Portland so we can party with him and his friends?”

“Beth insisted,” I sighed. “They’re all way too fucking friendly.”

“How horrible,” he grinned. “They like you, they actually like you!”

I slapped his arm playfully. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

Aldis spotted us as soon as we came through the door and made his way through the crowd. I made the introductions and we followed Aldis back stage. It wasn’t long before Christian’s band was scheduled to start, and it looked like Charlie and I were the last ones to arrive.

“Holy shit,” I breathed, catching sight of a familiar set of shoulders through the crowd.

“What?” Aldis said, looking around.

I moved forward, smiling. “If it isn’t Jensen fucking Ackles,” I called softly.

Jensen turned around and grinned when he saw me. “If it isn’t Kalin fucking Hart,” he drawled, sweeping me up into his overly long arms and spinning me around. “How the hell have you been? How’s that baby girl of yours.”

“Good, good,” I said, laughing and trying to push him away. “That baby girl is beggin’ me to stay up and watch that show of yours every Friday,” I told him as he sat me on my feet. “Says somethin’ about ‘hot boys’ but I hope to god she’s not talkin’ about that Padalecki fellow.”

Jensen laughed, a deep full laugh that drew every eye in the room. “No shit, has it been that long?” he asked, draping his arm around my shoulder.

“Been almost ten years since ‘Proof of Purchase’,” I reminded him, smiling.

“Ah, barcodes,” he drawled. “Better than ‘Days,’ I guess. Christian, why didn’t you tell me you knew Kalin,” he said as Christian joined us.

“Didn’t know you knew each other,” he said with a shrug.

Christian’s eyes were boring into mine and despite his easy smile I could tell he was bothered by my friendship with Jensen, a kind of friendship I’d told Christian more than once I did not want to share with him.

“Met on Dark Angel,” Jensen told him. “Had drinks a couple of times, and remember that barbeque?” he asked me.

“Michael’s place,” I replied, smiling. “Jessica had no idea how to hold a baby, and he kept teasing her about how she’d have to learn.” I looked up to see that Aldis and Charlie had joined us as well. “Jensen, this is Charles Young, my date for the night. Charlie, Jensen Ackles. And Christian Kane, of course.”

Charlie held his hand out to Christian, who shook it. “The man we came here to see tonight,” Charlie said with a smile. “Heard a lot of your music in the last few years.”

Christian looked at me in surprise. “I didn’t know Kalin was a fan.”

“Cheyenne, actually,” Charlie told him. “She’s your biggest fan, keeps buggin’ Kalin to let her come to the set, but I think she’d settle for an autographed picture.” Charlie looked at me. “Sorry, darlin’, I promised her I’d say something, since you’ve been ignorin’ the poor child’s needs.”

“You should bring her to the set some time,” Christian told me. “I’d love to meet my biggest fan.”

I was saved from answering when Steve came over and tapped Christian on the shoulder. “Time to go on, man.” He glanced at me, at Jensen’s arm around my shoulders, but just said to Jensen, “See you after the show.”

“Party at my place,” Christian said to the group in general. He turned, picked up a guitar, and walked out of the room without looking back.

The show really was a good one. We had an excellent table with a good view of the stage and decent sound. I’d seen Christian’s band play before, but changes in the lineup made the sound better, tighter. Even Christian’s voice seemed to have matured, improved over the years to match what I’d heard on the new CD Cheyenne wouldn’t stop playing.

I tried not to be drawn in, tried to ignore the pull of his very personality there in front of me on the stage. I couldn’t stop myself from watching him, though, and I hoped the lights made it impossible for him to tell just how closely I was watching.

When the band was done, I tried to make our excuses, but Jensen insisted we go to the party at Christian’s. Charlie was amenable enough, so before I could find a way to refuse I found myself sitting in Christian’s living room drinking a glass of wine, Jensen on one side of me and Aldis on the other.

“What did you think of the show?” Aldis asked.

“They’re very good,” I admitted. “Better than I remember.” 

Jensen seemed surprised. “You’ve seen them before?”

“Once upon a time,” I replied. “Back when Kane and Carlson played the Viper Room.”

“Yeah, they were hit and miss back then,” Jensen said with a sad smile.

We both knew he was referring to Christian’s drug problem at the time.

“Drinkin’s his only vice now,” Aldis said with a laugh. “Drinkin’ and women.”

The conversation moved on, thankfully. People drifted through the apartment, groups forming and breaking up, wine and beer flowing freely. Steve sat down at the piano and began to play softly.

“So you’re the boyfriend,” I heard Aldis say to Charlie at one point.

“Yeah, if by that you mean I’m a boy and her friend,” Charlie laughed. “Can’t quite convince Kalin she needs anything else.”

“Hey, Stevie,” Jensen called, sitting back down beside me on the couch. “I heard that fangirls are claimin’ you’re writtin’ the soundtrack to their lives.”

Steve grinned back. “Yeah, somethin’ like that.”

“Yeah, how come no one says I’m writin’ the soundtrack to their lives?” Christian complained.

“That’s easy.” I’d had just enough to drink to loosen my tongue. “Steve, he’s lookin’ for love,” I said, looking at the man, who nodded back at me. “You, Kane, you’re in it for whiskey, women and song. That’s fine for the party crowd, but it’s not how most women live their lives.”

“How could you know that?” Christian protested. “Come on, you’ve never even heard his stuff.”

I shook my head. “Yeah, I have, and I gotta say, man,” I said as I raised my glass to Steve, “thanks for the soundtrack.”

Steve gave a half bow and stuck his tongue out at Christian, who looked somewhat disgruntled.

“All right, name one song on your ‘soundtrack’ then,” he challenged me.

I didn’t even have to think about it. “Safe to Say.”

Christian shook his head. “Nah, that’s one of his more popular songs. You just know the title.”

I smiled. “Now it’s all so clear to me,” I quoted softly, looking into Christian’s clear, blue eyes, “you’re not the one I though would be the one I’d always know. A few hundred miles away from home I found…”

Steve began playing the song, his voice low and clear as he sang along. After a brief hesitation I sang with him, keeping my voice low but steady.

“…and it might be time to go. ‘Cause you chased me away from home and I’m never comin’ back again. I think it’s safe to say that you are not—”

“All right, all right,” Christian said laughing, raising his hands. “You win, I lose.”

I let my words trail away, but Steve kept singing. I watched him as he bent over the piano, let his words wash over me, wishing with all my heart I’d never heard the name Christian Kane.

“Cause when you left you took a part of me, the side I wanted everyone to see,” Steve sang. “I hide the sadness even though you chased me away from home and I’m never comin’ back again…”

Steve moved on to another song when that first one was done, and as soon as I could I slipped out onto the balcony hoping to find a minute alone to clear my head. I stood at the rail letting the breeze and the sounds of nighttime Portland wash over me, wishing it would wash away the ache in my heart. Unfortunately, I wasn’t out there long when Christian joined me.

“Need another drink?” he asked, holding up a glass of liquor.

“Just needed a minute to clear my head,” I told him. “We should go soon, I need to get Charlie back to his hotel.”

“Charlie,” he murmured, coming over to join me at the rail. “Never heard you talk about Charlie, but here you are, bringin’ him along.”

“He’s a friend,” I replied softly. “I knew he’d appreciate the music, and Beth did say I could bring someone.”

“So, not dating him, then.” He sat the glass on the rail and turned to look down at me, standing entirely too close for comfort.

“Not anymore,” I admitted. “Didn’t really work out when we tried it a few years back.”

“Sounds like he’s lookin’ out for your daughter,” he said almost too casually.

I wasn’t about to answer his unasked question. A lot of people wanted to know who Cheyenne’s father was, but were too polite to ask outright. “They get on well,” I answered. “The show was good,” I said, trying to change the subject.

“Full house,” he grinned. “Looked like you were havin’ a good time with Jensen.”

“He’s fun,” I admitted. “Been a while since I’ve seen him.”

“You know he’s married now.” He was watching my face as if waiting for some kind of reaction.

“To the dismay of fangirls everywhere,” I said with an easy smile. “Cheyenne was devastated.”

“So you’re not datin’ Charlie, not after Jensen,” he murmured thoughtfully, moving closer until I could smell the whisky on his breath. “You got a man stashed somewhere you don’t talk about?”

“No,” I whispered, looking up into his eyes, seeing them glitter in the light from the living room. They caught me, much the same way they’d caught me nearly eleven years ago on the set of Angel.

“A woman?” he asked with a smile.

I had to laugh at that. “No. I don’t date at all, really. Haven’t really seen much point to it.”

“I remember a point to it,” he said, moving until his body pressed mine back against the rail, one hand tangling in my hair and the other curling around my back. “Can you remember, Kalin?” he breathed against my cheek.

As much as I wanted to kiss him, as much as I wanted to feel the way he’d once made me feel, I knew kissing him would only cause problems.

“Christian,” I said softly.

He swallowed the rest of my protest with his mouth, his tongue. He pulled me tight against his hard body and I found myself melting into the embrace, licking at his mouth just as eagerly as he licked at mine. It was everything I remembered and more, so intense and wonderful that I wanted to go on kissing him forever.

It took me a while to remember why kissing him was a bad idea, why I was supposed to be keeping him at arm’s length. When I finally gathered the strength to stop holding on to him and push him away he stumbled back, breathing hard. I was breathing hard too, a shaking hand pressed to my mouth as if to stop my lips from burning.

I lifted my eyes to his, and I’m not sure what he read in them, but it had him taking another step back. I turned and leaned on the rail, struggling to stop my body from shaking, to get my breathing back to something close to normal. I had to get out of there, had to leave, but Charlie was in the living room and there was no way I’d step a foot in that room before I calmed down.

“Kalin,” Christian began behind me.

“No,” I bit out. “It’s a bad idea, Kane. A very bad idea.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said softly. “I’m sorry.”

I took a deep breath and let go of the rail, smoothing my shirt and running a hand through my hair. “I have to go.”

Hoping I didn’t look half as rattled as I felt, I went into the living room to tell Charlie it was time to leave. Jensen wouldn’t let me go without a hug and I felt Steve’s eyes on me as Charlie and I walked out the door.

In the elevator, I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes, taking a deep shaky breath.

“You okay?” Charlie asked softly.

“Yeah,” I breathed. “Just a bit too much to drink.”

“I thought that was my line,” he said, touching my arm.

I looked up at him and tried to smile. “I’m fine, Charlie,” I lied. “I’m just tired. It’s way past my bedtime.”

Thankfully Charlie left it at that. I dropped him off and drove home, anxious to be alone in the darkness of my room with my memories of Christian’s lips on mine.


	5. Keep Me Holding On

~*~ Early May, 2011 ~*~

When I showed up on set like I did every Monday afternoon, I could see in Christian’s eyes that he hadn’t expected me to show. He let me keep the conversation on business, not once trying to bring up what had happened the night before, something I was extremely grateful for. Then he brought up another topic I wished he’d left alone.

“So when are you gonna bring your daughter in?” he asked.

“Oh, I hadn’t really—”

“Come on, she’s my biggest fan, remember?” he prompted. “Bring her down tomorrow, I’ve got a light day. We could hang out.”

“You don’t really want to spend your day with a ten year old,” I protested. “You’ve got no idea what that’s like.”

“Maybe not,” he agreed, “but I’d like to find out. Bring her in?”

I hesitated a long moment, looking into his clear blue eyes. I wasn’t about to tell Christian the truth about Cheyenne, but would it really hurt to let her spend time with him? “Fine,” I said at last.

His smile nearly took my breath away.

When I told Cheyenne she’d finally get to visit the set, her smile was very much like the one Christian had given me.

Cheyenne woke me early the next morning, bouncing onto my bed and talking non stop until I sent her to the kitchen for breakfast. She wanted to make the best impression possible and scattered her clothes around her room before finally settling on a pair of jeans and a blue tee shirt. “Because Christian Kane likes tee shirts,” she said brightly. 

Filming had already started when we made it on location. Amy had come with us to the set, and we made our way to a spot where we could watch. Some of the crew came over to say hi when there was a break in filming, and answered the many, many questions Cheyenne had.

She was almost bouncing in her chair when the director called for a break and Christian headed our way, Gina and Beth trailing behind him. I would have thought they’d drown in the flood of words coming out of her mouth, but they were actually very patient with her, especially Christian.

“He’s good with kids,” Beth said when Christian had taken Cheyenne off to meet some of the other people on set. “They think he’s Superman.”

“He certainly seems to handle the baby fangirl well,” I agreed with a smile. “We’ll see what he looks like when they come back.”

But when they came back, Christian was still going strong. We ate at an outdoor café that many of the cast and crew were eating at, and it was there that I had my first uncomfortable moment of the day. It wouldn’t be my last.

“Your name is like mine,” Cheyenne said to Christian.

He smiled indulgently. “How’s that?”

“Not my first name,” she told him patiently. “My middle name. Christina. It’s just like Christian, see but the last two letters are different. Well, not different, just switched, so really, they’re the same.”

“You’re right,” he agreed, shooting me an unreadable look. “They are the same.”

I tried to keep my face blank. Yes, I had named Cheyenne for her father, but I’d never told her that, and there was no way for Christian to know it either.

After lunch, Christian took Cheyenne off again, leaving me and Amy still sitting at the table. Most of the tables around us were empty now, and Cheyenne’s absence made it seem all the more quiet.

“You’re in love with him,” Amy said softly.

I tried to give her a sharp look, but I couldn’t stop the pain I felt from showing on my face.

“You’re in love with him,” she repeated, dropping her voice to a whisper, “and he’s her father.”

“Don’t-don’t say that,” I hissed urgently, looking around. Thankfully no one was close enough to have overheard her.

“Why not?” she demanded in a low voice. “Why haven’t you told him?”

I looked at her again, not really sure what to say.

“You’re afraid,” she said softly, reaching over to touch my arm. “You’re bloody terrified. Of him?”

“No,” I said firmly, rubbing my forehead. “Not Kane.”

“Then who?” she demanded. “Who would scare you that much?”

“Kalin?”

I looked up to see that Aldis had joined us. I forced a smile onto my face. “You just missed them,” I said, thankful that my voice was calm. “Chris dragged Cheyenne off a few minutes ago.”

“Yeah, I saw them,” he said slowly. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah,” I told him. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

He gave me a measuring look, but thankfully let the subject drop. “Chris is about to start shooting, but Cheyenne wanted to watch. Gina’s gonna keep an eye on her, all right?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I nodded. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“It’s cool.” He glanced at Amy, then looked back at me. “You need anything, you let me know, okay?”

I assured him once more I was fine and to my relief he left us alone. When he was gone I looked at Amy.

“I can’t talk about this,” I said in a low voice. “Not here, not ever, you understand me?”

She nodded, looking a little frightened herself.

“Promise me, Amy,” I insisted.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “I promise.”

I felt her eyes on me the rest of the day, and Aldis’ too, whenever he was around. I did my best to stay calm and pleasant, hoping that Aldis would forget about whatever he’d overheard.

 

~*~ Mid May, 2011 ~*~

At Christian’s insistence, and Cheyenne’s, I brought my daughter to the set a couple of times a week. She and Christian became very close. She worshiped the ground he walked on, of course, and often talked him into singing for her whenever he had some down time.

She talked a lot about Christian’s career, complaining, mostly that I wouldn’t let her watch half the movies he’d been in, and that she’d had to beg Amy to let her watch Angel when I wasn’t home.

“Your ma doesn’t let you watch Angel?” he asked, looking at me. 

I ignored them and focused on my computer, or at least I tried to. Trying to change the subject would draw too much importance to it.

“No, she won’t watch Bones either,” Cheyenne told him. “Amy has to watch it in her room.”

This time I couldn’t ignore Christian’s questioning look. “It’s completely unrealistic,” I said without looking up. “I’ve seen too many real forensic shows, that one twists the facts to suit the plot.” Not that I’d ever seen an episode, of course, but I had read that somewhere.

“Mama doesn’t like David Boreanaz,” Cheyenne said in a low voice.

“Cheyenne, that’s not a nice thing to say,” I warned her.

“But Mama,” she protested, “it’s true!”

I finally looked over at them. “Baby, Mr. Boreanaz is Mr. Kane’s friend. It’s not nice to say something like that about someone’s friends, true or not true.”

“Even if they’re kinda creepy?” she asked.

Closing my eyes briefly, I did my best to keep calm. “Yes, Cheyenne, even then. You should apologize to Mr. Kane.”

“I’m sorry your friend is creepy and my mama doesn’t like him,” she said obediently.

“Cheyenne,” I breathed, exasperated.

Christian laughed. “Nah, it’s all right, darlin’. I know how your mama feels about David.”

Suppressing a shudder, I prayed Christian had no idea how I felt toward his friend.

“Cold?” Christian asked.

I looked up to see him watching me. “Yeah, a little,” I said, trying to cover my reaction.

The way his eyes watched me said he didn’t believe me, but I was pretty sure he wasn’t gonna press the point, not with Cheyenne there listening.


	6. Break Me

~*~ Late May, 2011 ~*~

“I thought Cheyenne was comin’ in today,” Christian asked as we neared the end of our Monday meeting.

“A little later,” I told him, typing on my laptop. I was trying to finish the press release so we could go over it before he was needed on set. “Amy took her to get a new suitcase for the trip to Montana.”

“Amy’s going to Montana?”

“No, well, yeah,” I said, half distracted. “Cheyenne and Amy are flying to Montana, then Amy’s going to LA for a week. I’m stopping on the way back from Nashville to fly back here with Cheyenne.”

“Is she staying with her father in Montana?” he asked.

My fingers froze for a heartbeat but I managed to keep my response to a minimum. “She’s staying with my mother.”

He was quiet for a minute, watching me type. “She doesn’t talk about her dad.”

“Why would she?” I asked, continuing to type.

“She doesn’t see him?”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, clenching my hands for a brief moment before looking at him across the table. “I told you when we started working together that I preferred to keep my private life to myself, Kane.” I was surprised at the calmness of my voice, given the shaking of my hands. “I realize that we have become something of friends, but there are some things I will not discuss with you.”

“Does she even know who her father is?” he asked, clearly irritated. 

“No,” I told him, hoping it would make him drop the subject.

“Do you?”

I looked at him in surprise, completely unprepared for the stab of pain that shot through me. From the look in his eyes he really thought I didn’t know who my baby’s father was. Well, I’d be damned if I told him he was wrong, and not just because he’d want to know who it was. Then it hit me that Christian might have already talked to Boreanaz, that the man could have already told Christian about how I’d come looking for him.

With a sharp motion I closed my laptop and reached for my bag. “Why don’t you let me know when you’re ready to focus on business,” I bit out. 

“Kalin, I’m sorry,” he said quickly, actually sounding like it. “I shouldn’t have said that, I didn’t mean to—” His eyes fell on my hands, which were shaking so badly it took me a minute to shove my laptop into my bag. “What—” He stood when I did. “I’m sorry, Kalin. Don’t go, please.”

I ignored his apology and slung the bag on my shoulder. Before I could do more than turn toward the door he was standing in my way.

“Wait,” he said, a touch of pleading in his voice, “just wait a minute. I’m sorry, I had no right—”

“Get out of my way,” I bit out in a low voice, trying to step around him.

He moved with me, blocking my way. His hands fell on my shoulders and I jumped nervously, throwing his hands off and backing away. For a moment I felt trapped, desperate, and just as helpless as I’d felt that night in Boreanaz’s apartment.

“Whoa.” He sounded shocked but I didn’t look up to see his expression. “You’re afraid of me?”

“Let me go,” I whispered hoarsely, watching his feet.

“You know you don’t have to be afraid of me, right?” he said gently, putting his hands up as if to show he wouldn’t hurt me. 

“Move,” I said, trying not to let the word sound like a plea.

“Yeah,” he told me, keeping his voice soft, “just as soon as you calm down, okay?”

I shook my head. “I’ll calm down as soon as you get out of the way.”

“Look,” he soothed, “just talk to me, all right? Kalin, is this guy threatening you? Did he hurt you?”

“This is why,” I said, choking back a laugh, or maybe it was a sob. “This is exactly why I didn’t want—” I took a deep breath and adjusted the bag on my shoulder.

“I can help you, Kalin,” he repeated.

“No, Christian, you can’t,” I said, looking into his eyes, letting him see all the pain, frustration and anger burning in mine.

He was worried, I could see it, and mad too, but I wasn’t sure if he was angry because I wouldn’t tell him who I was afraid of or angry at the person who had me so spooked.

“You really believe that,” he said after a moment. “Is this guy holdin’ something over you? Is Cheyenne’s father the guy you’re so afraid of?”

I shook my head and closed my eyes. “Look, her father…”

My voice trailed off as I struggled for something to say that wouldn’t be a lie. I couldn’t say that Cheyenne’s father wouldn’t hurt me; I didn’t believe Christian would hurt me physically if he found out the truth about Kalin, but there were other ways to cause pain. I couldn’t say that her father wasn’t a part of her life, our lives because here he was standing in front of me.

“I am not afraid of Cheyenne’s father, all right?” I said after a long moment. “I’m not.”

“Then tell me who you are afraid of,” he insisted, taking a slow step toward me.

“You can’t fix this, Christian,” I told him. “I know you just wanna help, but this isn’t something that’s got a fix.”

“You don’t know that,” he said firmly, coming closer. “We could go to the police.”

The police would never believe me, and neither would Christian. “Look, I don’t need help. I just need you to let it go.”

With slow deliberate movements he put his hands on my arms, holding them loosely. “You’re my friend, Kalin. I can’t just pretend I can’t see how scared you are.”

I looked up into his eyes, his clear blue beautiful eyes, and wished for the strength to tell him the truth or to walk away. He was strong, so very strong, but I really didn’t think he’d take my word over that of a man he’d known for so many years.

“I’m not afraid,” I whispered, and it was true, at least in that moment. His hands were warm on my arms, his body radiating strength only inches from mine.

His hands tightened on my arms. “Kalin—”

The door burst open and Cheyenne bounded into the trailer. “I’m here!” she said, sounding excited. “Mama, I—” She stopped abruptly as we turned toward her. “Mama?”

I moved away from Christian and smiled as best I could. “It’s okay, baby, we were just talking. Did you get your suitcase?”

“Yeah.” She looked from me to Christian, then came to give me a hug. I held her tight, knowing that no matter what I had to go through, it was all worth it just to have this little girl in my arms. After a long moment I let her go.

“Why don’t you go with Christian for a little while,” I told her, looking over at Christian. “I’ve got a press release I need to finish today.”

“You sure?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, it’ll go faster without you here anyway,” I said honestly.

Cheyenne looked up at me. “Mama?” 

“It’s okay, baby,” I told her, bending to kiss her cheek. “Go on, now, I’ll see you in a little while.”

I sighed in relief when the door closed but I knew Christian wouldn’t let this drop.


	7. Just Another Goodbye

~*~ June 18, 2011 ~*~

“Last time I saw you I gave you $500 to go away,” a rough voice said behind me.

I turned, unable to hide my surprise, shock even, at finding David Boreanaz standing there. “I’m surprised you remember me, Mr. Boreanaz,” I told him, my voice cold and hard despite the panic I felt building in my chest. “I seem to recall you telling me I wasn’t the first one you’d tried to pay off. I’m sure I wasn’t the last.”

“Tried being the operative word, with you.” His smile wasn’t a kind one. “I seem to recall a face full of money.”

“It seemed appropriate,” I replied, doing my best to keep the bitterness from my voice.

“Thought you got out of show business,” he drawled. “Leastwise, I didn’t see you when Tom directed that episode of Bones.”

“Yeah, thanks for that,” I said calmly. “I may never have realized how many opportunities were out there if it hadn’t been for you.”

I hadn’t realized how tense I’d gotten until Tim’s hand fell on my shoulder. I had forgotten he was there, forgotten where we were, forgotten the number of people who could overhear what we were saying to each other.

“Miss Hart works for Mills Consulting,” Tim said smoothly. “She’s been helping Christian with his schedule and promotions.” 

“Makin’ another try for the meal ticket?” Boreanaz asked me. “Tell me, how’s that workin’ out for ya, now that Christian’s mostly sober?”

“Mostly sober?” Christian repeated with a laugh, joining us. “That won’t last too long at Dante’s, will it?” he asked the man who was still staring daggers at me. 

One look at Boreanaz’s face was enough to tell Christian that something was up but I wasn’t about to stick around and listen to the bastard tell his version of the story.

“Chris, I’m afraid something’s come up, I have to go,” I told him. If I were an actress, I’d have been shooting for an Oscar, that’s how hard I was working to keep the emotion off my face and out of my voice.

“All right,” he said hesitantly, looking from me to his friend. “You’ll be at Dante’s tonight, though, right?”

“I’m afraid not,” I said calmly. “I’ll see you next week.”

Without waiting another moment I turned and started walking, desperate to get away before I broke down and screamed, or worse, cried. I knew, just knew that I’d lost yet another job, not to mention all the friends here in Portland I hadn’t wanted to make in the first place.

A hand on my arm made me jump and I looked to find Tim at my side.

“Thought I’d walk you to your car.” He glanced at my face, frowning. “Maybe you should come to my trailer, take a minute to collect yourself.”

Knowing just how quickly I was falling apart inside, I didn’t argue with him. Once inside his trailer, I headed for the bathroom and took a few minutes to wash my face and calm down.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Tim asked when I came out.

“No, thank you,” I replied. “Right now I would just like to go home.”

His voice stopped me before I was halfway to the door. “You might want to rethink that one. I wasn’t the only one listening to you and David have a go at each other. Chris is gonna hear what happened from one of the crew, if he hasn’t already heard it from David. He’s gonna want to know why you and his best friend hate each other and if you don’t talk about it, the only side he’s gonna hear isn’t gonna be yours.”

I sat down on a chair and buried my face in my hands. This was it, the end of any hope I had of keeping Cheyenne’s parentage a secret. Tim was right, Boreanaz wouldn’t hesitate to tell the story of my visit to his apartment, and I knew it would only make Christian ask questions. A couple of phone calls would be all it would take for him to demand a blood test and from there it would only get ugly.

Taking a deep breath, I looked at Tim. “Doesn’t matter what side Christian hears, he’s not gonna be happy.”

“Why don’t you tell me what happened,” he suggested. “At least then I can try talking him down with the truth.” 

I shook my head and looked away, not sure if I could. My hands were shaking and I flattened them on my knees to make them stop. I’d never told this story before, had held it inside for almost eleven years. 

“Chris and Aldis both said they thought you were afraid of someone,” Tim said gently. “It’s David, isn’t it? You’re afraid of David.”

With a shaky sigh, I nodded. It wasn’t easy to get the words out, but somehow I managed.

“I tried to find Christian about a month after he was thrown off Angel,” I told him. “I knew where Christian lived, but he’d moved out. Boreanaz lived in the same building so I knocked on his door, trying to find out how I could get a hold of Christian. He-he wouldn’t tell me. Called me a fangirl and said he’d call the cops if I didn’t leave.” I took another deep breath. “He told me a lot of girls had come up with my story over the years and if I wanted anything from Christian I needed to come up with a better one.”

I could feel Tim’s eyes on me, but thankfully he didn’t ask questions, didn’t try to interrupt the flow of words. I knew if I stopped now, I’d never get it out.

“That even if what I said was true, Christian wouldn’t want to know. Then he got mad, he—” I broke off, unable to put into words what Boreanaz had done to me.

He reached out and touched my arm. “What did he do?” he asked softly.

I closed my eyes, remembering the horror of being held down by his weight. “I was afraid to fight him because I didn’t want to hurt the baby,” I whispered.

“He raped you?”

With a nod, I took a deep breath and went on, my voice shaking horribly. “When he was done, he—he gave me the name of a, of a clinic downtown and a handful of bills and showed me t-to the door.”

“And you threw the money in his face,” Tim murmured.

“I did.” My voice was bitter but I was done hiding my feelings. “Threw the money in his face and walked out. I gave up then. I knew Christian’d never believe me, not, not after—well, h-he’s Christian’s best friend, isn’t he?”

“Kalin, I just want to be clear here,” Tim said gently, “are you saying that Cheyenne is Christian’s daughter? I mean, her birthday—”

“Yes,” I cut in harshly, wiping tears from my cheeks. “Yes, Cheyenne was born in April, just six months from when Christian and I, when w-we… had sex. There was—” I took another deep breath to steady my voice, “—there was a-an accident on set,” I told him. “Scaffolding fell right on top of me. I was hurt pretty bad, doctors had to t-take the baby early. She a-almost didn’t make it.”

“So she is Christian’s,” Tim breathed. “You’ve kept it from him all this time. Why?”

“He wouldn’t have believed me,” I told him, “not with B-Boreanaz telling his side of the story. Besides, bastard he is, but he was right about one thing. Christian’s not a family man. I wasn’t about to try and tie him down, not when he was j-just getting his life together.”

“That only goes so far, Kalin,” he replied, his voice firm. “You’ve been working with him for months, he’s met his daughter.”

“Yeah, he has,” I said sadly. “And what would he have said if I’d told him the truth, huh? Do you think he’d have welcomed her with open arms? You think he wouldn’t have been pissed that I hid his daughter, or maybe that I didn’t keep hiding her? That his fans would have been happy about some hidden love child come to light? This isn’t some romance novel, Tim, it’s real life. Nothing ever turns out well. Besides, who’d Christian tell first? I’m sure Boreanaz would be more than happy to tell all about how I came begging f-for—”

I broke off as I realized that Christian was probably hearing the story right about then and I had to laugh.

Coming to my feet, I looked at Tim once more. “You know, no matter what happens now, nobody wins, but my little girl loses most of all,” I told him. “I didn’t want to come work for Christian Kane. The only choice I had was to suck it up or find another job, and jobs aren’t easy to come by, not with a guy like Boreanaz doing his best to stick me on the black list. Not that it matters now, right? I’m out of a job, again. So I guess he wins after all.”

Tim didn’t try to stop me when I walked out the door. With a sigh of relief I got into my car a few minutes later and counted myself lucky that I was able to pull out of the lot without security trying to detain me.

My phone started ringing when I was less than a mile from the set, but I didn’t bother to answer, didn’t even look to see who was calling. I sent the call to voice mail and turned it off, letting the sound of the wheels drown my sobs as I drove home.


	8. One More Shot

~*~ June 20, 2011 ~*~

“We need to talk.”

A part of me had been expecting Christian to show up, but the sight of him on my porch when I opened the door made me want to scream.

“Yeah, I suppose we do,” I replied evenly. “Do you mind if I make sure we’re alone for this conversation?”

He frowned but nodded.

It took me a couple of minutes to talk to Amy and get Cheyenne bundled into the car, especially when my daughter wanted to stay and talk to Christian. I didn’t explain what was going on, but Amy promised to keep Cheyenne away from the house for a couple of hours. I didn’t think it would take that long, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

Christian leaned against one of the porch posts his arms crossed as we watched Amy’s car drive away. He shook his hair out of his eyes and looked at me, his expression unreadable.

“You didn’t come to work today,” he said in a low voice.

I raised an eyebrow. “Mills Consulting has all the information my replacement needs to continue taking care of you,” I told him, my voice surprisingly calm.

“You quit?” he asked angrily.

“I don’t quit, Chris,” I shot back. “I was fired bright and early this morning.”

He straightened, pushing off the post and letting his arms drop. “What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Jeremy made it quite clear that I was not to contact you or anyone associated with you,” I told him, taking a step back toward the other end of the porch. “Don’t worry, he got your message across loud and clear.”

“Wha-I didn’t tell him to say that,” Christian protested. “I didn’t ask him to fire you.”

I looked at him for a long moment, trying to figure out if he were lying. It didn’t look like he was, but then again, Christian was a damned fine actor.

“Doesn’t matter,” I said with a sigh, turning away. “It’s not the first time I’ve lost a job over this.”

“Over what?” he demanded, taking a step toward me.

“Come on, now,” I replied irritably, turning to face him. “You can’t tell me Boreanaz didn’t give you an earful.”

“Yeah, he did,” Christian replied, the anger back in his voice. “He told me what happened after I left Angel, when you came lookin’ for me.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he did,” I drawled. “He tell you that I tried to blackmail him? That I fucked him for money? What did he tell you?”

“Yeah, he said that,” Christian growled. “He also said you told him you were pregnant with my child.”

“Yeah, well, that’s the one thing I actually did do,” I shot back.

We stared at each other for a long moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was tightly controlled.

“I made a few calls,” he told me. “Found out about that accident on the set of CSI. Found out some other things, too.”

I closed my eyes and looked away, clutching at the porch railing. I didn’t want him to see the memory of that long hospital stay in my face. I didn’t even want to know what else he’d learned about with his calls.

“The dates didn’t add up,” he continued. “I mean, I wondered, but when you said her birthday was in April, I put it out of my mind, but she is mine. Why didn’t you tell me?”

I couldn’t stop the look of anger I shot his way. “I tried,” I growled. “You dropped off the grid, remember? Found out later you’d been in rehab down in Oklahoma. By the time you showed up on the radar again, it was too fucking late.”

“Because of David,” he said in a low voice.

Out of reflex my hands came up as if fending something or someone off. “Don’t—just don’t. Say what you have to say and get out,” I told him, taking another step back. “You want a blood test, give me the name of a doctor. You suing me, well, I guess—”

“I’m not-I’m not suin’ you, for Christ’s sake,” he barked. “Why do you always get so riled when his name comes up?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” I retorted, “maybe because he just got me fired, again?”

“David wouldn’t—” he began, but I didn’t let him finish.

“Wouldn’t what, Kane?” I demanded. “Wouldn’t tell Tom Wright that if I was still his assistant he’d never direct that episode of Bones? Wouldn’t tell Ingenuity they’d hired a whore? Wouldn’t tell Jeremy Mills I was trying to blackmail you? Would never make sure a dozen people in a dozen years never found another job in Hollywood?”

He stared at me in shock, his face pale under his tanned skin. “What?”

“Oh, your David isn’t the angel you think he is,” I said in a hard voice. “Then again, you’re not the type to see that side of him, are you? Not weak enough, not nearly desperate enough.”

“He’s the one you’re so fucking afraid of, isn’t he?” he asked, a low thread of anger in his tone. “What the hell did he do to you?”

“Is this what you came here for?” I bit out. I turned and walked to the end of the porch, wanting to be as far away from him as possible. “To talk about Boreanaz? ‘Cause I gotta tell you, Kane, the topic’s gettin’ old.”

He pushed his hair back, taking a deep breath to control his anger before he looked at me again. “I came to talk about Cheyenne,” he said firmly. “I wanna see my daughter.”

I blinked in surprise, but nodded anyway. “We can make arrangements,” I told him as my anger drained away. “Your schedule’s pretty tight, but you can see her whenever you like.” I sighed. “If you’re planning to go public on this, you should probably talk to your new consultant first.”

“I don’t—fuck!” he growled, making an impatient gesture with his hand. “I don’t want a new consultant,” he told me. “I’ll get you your job back.”

“Yeah.” There wasn’t much belief in that word, but Christian would do it or not do it, there was no use stressing about it now. I turned and sat down on the porch swing, suddenly more tired than I’d been in years. “Cheyenne doesn’t know about all this,” I said in a tired voice. “I’m not real sure how to tell her.”

“The truth won’t work?” he asked harshly.

“Maybe some version of it,” I agreed reluctantly.

“We’ll get through it,” he said, coming closer. “We just-you gotta talk to me, Kalin. Stop hiding shit from me. It’s the only way to get through this.”

“Some things I don’t talk about, Christian,” I told him, shaking my head. “Some things I’ve never talked about.” 

“Like what David did to you, that night you went to see him?”

“Go away, Kane,” I said tiredly, bending to hug my legs and letting my head drop to my knees, way too exhausted to argue with him. “Just fucking go away.”

Silence stretched out until I thought he was gone. It was only when the cushion sunk beside me that I realized I wasn’t alone. An arm settled around my shoulders and I felt the warm length of him against my side.

We stayed like that for a long time, until Cheyenne and Amy had returned, and it was time to tell my daughter the truth about her father.

She took it much better than I expected.


	9. In the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graphic Descriptions of Violence.

~*~ June 23, 2011 ~*~

The house was quiet and dark for a change, the only light the one over the dining room table I was working at. Amy was out for the night and Cheyenne was hours in bed. A noise made me look up, and a feeling in the pit of my stomach told me there something was wrong.

Light from the dining room spilled into the living room but left the foot of the stairs in shadow. I felt like the stupid blond in a horror movie as I walked to the front doors to make sure they were locked. A light at the top of the stairs lit the second floor hallway as I went up to check on my daughter, but she was sleeping soundly when I peeked into her room. 

As I headed back downstairs I tried to shake my unease away, telling myself I was being silly. The light on the stove read 10:30 as I filled a glass with water and I walked back to the table with the idea I should shut everything down and go to bed. I’d just set down my glass when a voice behind me made me freeze.

“You couldn’t make it easy for me, could you?” Boreanaz drawled. “Couldn’t just stay gone.”

I turned and tried to move away from him, but the table was at my back. “Wha-what are you doing here?” I asked, trying to keep my voice calm despite the spike of fear that shot through me.

“I’m here to tell you to make a call,” he said in a low voice. “Call Christian and tell him you lied.”

“Lied about what?” I asked, hoping to stall him until I could figure out what to do. I edged away from him, headed around the table, hoping to put it between us. A part of me wanted to try and escape through to the porch, but I didn’t want to leave him in the house with my daughter. 

“About the night you came to see me,” he said in a low voice. “You gave him some sob story about that night. I want you to tell him you lied.”

“I didn’t tell him anything,” I told him, taking another step around the table. My phone was plugged in on the counter and I hoped I could get to it before he could get to me. 

“You’re a lying bitch,” he said, a smile playing on his lips. “Guess I didn’t make a big enough impression the last time we did this. Gonna have to make a bigger effort this time.”

I leapt for my phone but he was on me, shoving me against the stools and counter so hard I almost lost my breath. The phone went flying, falling to the floor into the kitchen and well beyond my reach.

“I see you thinking, bitch,” he growled, holding me in place with his body against my back. “Not really what you should be doin’ right now.”

“Let me go,” I demanded, my teeth clenched in an effort not to scream. If I screamed, Cheyenne would wake up, but if she stayed sleeping in her room she’d be out of sight out of mind. At least, I prayed she would be.

He backed away, spinning me with a painful hold on my arm. The back of his hand landed against the side of my face, making my head spin with pain and knocking me against more of the stools that sat against the counter. Without thinking I grabbed a plant that sat near the sink and threw it at Boreanaz. He batted it away and it shattered against the wall, sending dirt flying. 

I pushed against the stools and stumbled into the living room, but he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back against his chest. I stomped down on his instep, but he was wearing boots and I was barefoot, so the only one I hurt was me. He threw me against the wall, holding me against it with his body.

“Should’ve taken the money and stayed gone, bitch,” he growled in my ear. “Then again, you should’ve died when that set collapsed. Cost me a hell of a lot more than five hundred bucks.”

“That was you?” I gasped. I wanted to fight but he held me too closely against the wall, I had no leverage to kick or hit and he was too heavy for me to get away.

He grabbed my hair and pulled my head back painfully. “Yeah, that was me. Couldn’t have you claimin’ that was my brat in your belly.” He slammed my head against the wall so hard I saw stars. “Should’ve stayed gone, Kalin.”

With his grip on my hair he threw me into the living room where I landed on a low table. It shattered beneath my weight. I fought for breath and rolled away much slower than I wanted to, forcing my body to move through the pain. Grabbing a piece of the table I threw it at him, but it hit him harmlessly in the chest and fell to the floor.

“Make you feel like a big man, beatin’ on a woman?” I whispered hoarsely as used a chair to pull myself my feet. “Make you feel powerful takin’ on someone half your size?”

“Yeah, try the psycho bullshit,” he laughed as he stalked me. “I don’t have to do anything to prove how strong I am. This shit’s just fun.”

I lunged for the door but he grabbed me before I could do more than take a step. His fist ploughed into my stomach and I doubled over, the air rushing from my lungs. He threw me to the ground, knocking me into the book case near the fireplace. A glass vase that had been sitting on the mantle shattered when books fell on it. 

“You should stay down, Kalin.” He sounded amused, standing over me, but there was rage burning in his voice. “Or try to get up again. You’re the only one that hurts when I put you down.”

“Won’t get away with this,” I gasped, trying to rise.

“Oh, I will.” He sounded so damn sure of himself. “Girls like you never go to the cops, do they? Or they tell a damn good story about a stranger who broke into their house.”

I had barely made it to my hands and knees when his knee landed on the small of my back, forcing me to the floor and sending shooting pain up my spine. I couldn’t breathe, could barely think, but my hand closed on a shard of glass and I clutched it tightly, ignoring the pain as it cut into my skin.

Rolling quickly I stabbed at him blindly. I felt the glass sink into his flesh and he yelled in pain. He grabbed my wrist, twisting it so hard I felt my arm break. A moment later he drove his fist into my face.


	10. Different Kind of Knight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic descriptions of violence and attempted rape.

~*~ June 23, 2011 ~*~

I woke to pain, pounding in my head, radiating up my arm, my back, across my stomach. My head felt like it would fall off if I moved wrong. I tried to stay still, but I must have made some movement or sound because a hand slapped at the side of my face.

Boreanaz was saying something, but the rushing sound in my ears made it sound like just so much noise. He did something that sent pain shooting up my broken arm and I couldn’t bite back the scream that ripped past my lips.

I felt hands on my pants, pulling them down my legs, and instinctively I lashed out, kicking hard against the hands and arms trying to undress me, landing what felt like a hard blow on a chest.

“Fucking bitch!” he yelled.

I tried to roll away but only succeeded on wrenching the broken arm again. Looking upward I saw that my wrists were tied to the headboard. In the next moment I realized that my shirt was gone and I was bared to the waist. More than the waist, since he’d managed to pull my pants halfway down my thighs. 

A fist landed on my stomach, knocking the wind from my lungs. Another fist hit the side of my head, making my vision grey out for a moment. For what felt like a long time the only thing I could focus on was staying conscious and trying to breathe.

“You didn’t fight half this hard last time,” he growled, reaching for his belt. “Kinda think I like this better.”

“No!” I tried to scream, but the sound came out sounding more like a moan. I was naked now, tied to the bed and helpless, nothing to protect me from his anger, nothing to save me. “Please leave me alone,” I managed to gasp out.

“You didn’t beg last time either,” he grinned down at me. “It’s kinda nice.”

“Get the fuck away from her,” I heard a welcome voice growl.

Boreanaz turned and looked back toward the doorway of the room. “Come to save the girl?” he scoffed, refastening his belt. “She’s not worth your time, Chris, I’m tellin’ you. She likes it rough.”

“I’m not playin’ David,” Christian barked. “I will fuck you up. Get away from her.”

I rolled away from them, trying to curl into a ball and hide my nakedness. Wood splintered and the sound of fists hitting flesh filled the room. I looked up at my hands, trying to figure out how to get them free but one eye was already swollen shut and the other hardly opened at all. I could barely make out the silk tying my hands to the wood let alone see the knots.

“Think you can take me?” Boreanaz demanded, spitting. “You’re dreamin’, Christian.”

“This ain’t some choreographed fight scene, babe,” Christian shot back, his voice hard. It sounded like they were at the foot of my bed but I didn’t look to be sure. “Come on.”

Pushing against the bed with my feet to move higher on the bed, I pulled with my left hand, trying to bring my wrist within reach of my mouth. The bed moved and I screamed, pulling instinctively on the ropes at my wrists and sending pain stabbing through my broken arm as I tried to move away from whoever it was.

“Whoa, whoa,” Tim’s voice soothed. “It’s okay, I’m gonna help you.”

I felt him pull the blanket and drape it over me, covering my nakedness. “Cheyenne,” I whispered urgently. I had no idea how long I’d been unconscious, or if Boreanaz was sick enough to have hurt my daughter when I’d been too out of it to protect her. “Please, get Cheyenne out.”

“Aldis went upstairs for her,” he said as his hands went to my left wrist, working the knot. “Hold still a minute, I’ll get you free.”

Across the room, grunts and the sounds of heavy blows landing echoed. There was no way for me to tell who was winning, what Boreanaz was doing to Christian for trying to save me.

“Help Chris,” I told Tim as he got my left wrist free.

Through one slitted eye I could barely make out Tim turning his head to look at the two men. I could hear sirens in the distance coming closer, the sound of blows as Christian and Boreanaz fought. 

“He doesn’t need any help,” Tim assured me.

He starting to work on the silk at my right wrist, but the slight pressure of his fingers was enough to make me cry out.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Your wrist is swelling; the fabric is really cutting in to it.”

“Back down, David,” Christian demanded angrily. “The cops will be here in a minute, it’s over. You’re done.”

“Just do it,” I gasped, swallowing around the nausea that swept through me at Tim’s every touch on my wrist. 

“What’s the story,” Boreanaz growled, his voice rough with pain. “We saved the girl from some random robber?”

I heard the noise a fist landing, glass shattering, and suddenly the sounds of fighting were gone. The room spun horribly as I tried to look toward the bedroom door and blackness swept in like a tsunami, dragging me down.

~*~

Light shinning in my eye woke me. I tried to bat it away, but there was something wrong with my hand, something holding it down. Though I could still feel the blanket wrapped around me, I was so cold my entire body was shaking.

“Pupils even and responsive,” an unfamiliar voice said softly. “Are you with me now, miss? I need you to stay with me.”

I licked my lips and tried to look around, but for some reason I couldn’t move my head. “Cheyenne?”

“Your little girl is fine,” the man told me. “Can you tell me your name?”

Moving my head hurt and I closed my eyes against the pain. “Kalin,” I whispered. “Kalin Hart.”

“No, no, stay with me, gotta stay awake,” the man said firmly. “Do you know where you are?”

I opened my eyes and saw an older man looking down at me wearing an EMT uniform. Behind him I could see the curtains that hung in my bedroom, curtains now pulled horribly askew. 

“Bedroom,” I told murmured, trying to get my mind to function past the pain. “Portland?”

“Yeah, that’s good,” the man told me. “You’re doing fine. Can you tell me how old you are?”

I mumbled my way through the pop quiz the EMT gave me. I knew it was to let him know how messed up I was from the blows to the head, but I just wanted to go to sleep.

“Where’s Cheyenne?” I asked him.

“She’s with Aldis,” another man’s voice answered. “He took her to Christian’s condo.”

I tried to turn my head toward the voice, but my neck was held immobile by a brace. Thankfully, Tim moved forward into my line of sight.

“Amy’s gonna meet up with them there,” he told me. “She’s perfectly fine, just a little scared. You can see her tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” I asked, shocked.

“You’re going to the hospital, Kalin,” he explained gently. “She can visit as soon as the doctors say it’s all right.”

If it hadn’t been for the pain still throbbing in my head and shooting from my arm, I might have protested. “Christian?”

“He’s just fine,” Tim assured me. “A few cuts on his hand and face, but he’ll be fine.”

“Damn it,” I cursed softly. “Rogers is gonna kill him.”

“Kalin,” he said reproachfully, “I’m sure it won’t matter, given the circumstances.”

“We’re gonna move you now, Kalin,” the EMT told me.

Before I could say a word, my world rocked as they picked up the board I was lying on and lifted it onto a stretcher. My stomach roiled dangerously but I swallowed the nausea back.

“The police will be down to see you as well,” Tim said as the stretcher rolled past him. “They need your statement about what happened tonight.”

Panic shot through me as I remembered what Boreanaz had said about a random robber. Was I supposed to lie about the bastard that had broken into my home and attacked me? Was Christian going to lie to save his best friend from scandal?

“Kalin.” Christian appeared in my field of vision, walking with the stretcher. His lip was split and there was blood on his face. “You okay, baby?” He looked up at the EMT. “Is she gonna be all right?”

I reached across with my left hand and he caught it, holding it gently. “The cops,” I gasped, clutching his hand. “Chris, what do I—”

“You tell the truth,” he said firmly, his hand smoothing my hair away from my forehead. “You tell them exactly what happened, all right? Don’t lie for that son of a bitch.”

“Yeah,” I said, relaxing my grip. “Yeah, okay.”

“I’m goin’ with her in the ambulance,” Christian told the EMS worker.

My eyes closed the stretcher rolled out of the house and ignored the voices that tried to keep the darkness at bay.


	11. The Right Direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Descriptions of violence and rape.

~*~ June 24, 2011 ~*~

It wasn’t just a police officer that came down to talk to me once the doctors had given the okay. It was a detective, and one of the city’s assistant prosecuting attorneys. They explained that with the high profile of the case, they needed to film my interview and they couldn’t wait for me to get out of the hospital to do it at the station.

Of course I had to go over the attack in detail. I struggled to remember everything Boreanaz had said, every move he’d made. Once I’d answered those to the lawyer’s satisfaction, she moved on to questions about the accident that had landed me in the hospital, about the many times I’d lost my job, about the argument I’d had with Boreanaz the first time I’d seen him in Portland. Then she asked about the night I’d spent so long trying to forget; the night I’d gone to his apartment looking for Christian.

It wasn’t easy, talking about what had happened on tape, when I’d never told the full horror of it to another soul. I’m not sure how I got through it, but by the time I was done, I felt like I’d been beaten and raped all over again.

“Why did you never report this to the authorities?” she asked gently.

“They wouldn’t have believed me,” I told her. “A guy like that, star of a TV show, he’s got all the power. He knows it, he uses it. The only thing I could do was walk away and hope he forgot my name.”

“That’s not how things work here in Portland,” she said firmly. “We have plenty of evidence against your attacker. He’s not gonna get away with this one.”

I tried to be encouraged by her words, but I wasn’t so sure.

Christian came in not long after the lawyer and detective left. He’d spent most of the morning at the police station giving his own statement. Boreanaz was trying to press assault charges, but the DA was standing behind Christian’s statement that he only fought to protect my life.

“If you’re feelin’ up to it, Amy’s gonna bring Cheyenne up here after lunch,” he told me.

“I don’t know,” I said, touching the swelling around my left eye. There was blood in my hair and I felt so damn dirty. “I don’t want to scare her.”

“I think she’d be more scared if we didn’t let her see you,” he said reasonably. “She did get a look at you last night, you know. You look a whole lot better today.”

“What about you?” I asked, looking at the small stitches on his lower lip. “I don’t think they’re too happy the star hitter looks beat to hell.”

“You should see the other guy,” he replied grimly. He looked down at his hands and I wondered how he felt, knowing he’d fought his best friend with them.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Ah, Kalin,” he breathed, “I should be sayin’ that to you. I never thought he’d come after you like that.”

“I should have,” I said, closing my eyes. “Should’ve never come here.”

“If you’d just told me I would have protected you,” he said fervently.

I sighed. “Christian, you’ve known the man, what, ten, fifteen years? You never noticed how some people just went away when he wanted them to?”

He was quiet for a moment. “Cops asked me about a few people, couple of them from Angel. I didn’t-didn’t really think about it at the time,” he admitted. “Too fucking stoned, I guess. Too fucking stupid.”

“Easy not to think about it,” I told him. “Easy to believe the best about your friend. Don’t blame yourself.”

“Yeah, well, I still should have protected you,” he growled. “You coulda died. If I hadn’t come in when I did, he was—” He broke off, but I knew what he was thinking.

“He didn’t,” I told him, trying not to cry. “He didn’t get to Cheyenne, either, thank god. She was all I could think about, keepin’ him away from her.”

“She called me,” he said softly.

I looked at him in surprise, the quick movement making my head pound.

“Yeah, she heard somethin’ break and woke up. Came down the stairs enough to see the two of you fightin’ and ran back up to call me,” he continued. “Kept talkin’ to her while we drove over.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Man, that took way too long.”

I tried to remember how long it took to drive from Christian’s condo, but math wasn’t working. Seemed to me like I should have been dead before Christian made it to the house. “How long?”

“Ten minutes,” he told me. “We were shootin’ last night, remember? Luckily we were on break when the phone rang. I grabbed Tim and Aldis and took off in Hardison’s van.”

“Oh, Rogers is gonna love me,” I murmured, closing my eyes again. My arm hurt like hell and my head was throbbing, but I didn’t want to sleep, not yet.

“That big vase of flowers over there is from him,” Christian told me. “Everybody’s worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

I heard a footfall at the side of the bed and winced as my body instinctively tried to shy away.

“You’re not fine, Kalin,” he said in a soft voice, “not yet. But you will be.”


	12. More Than I Deserve

~*~ June 28, 2011 ~*~

Three days later I stood in the ruins of my living room. One of the large windows was completely boarded up. Someone had come in and swept up the broken glass, cleaned up the blood, taken away the broken table, but it was painfully clear that something had happened here. One of the chairs was missing and I stared at the space it had been in, trying for the life of me to remember if it had been damaged when I was fighting Boreanaz.

“It went out the windows,” Christian said softly. “The chair, I mean. Got cut up pretty bad.”

I tried very hard not to move at the sound of his voice so close behind me. I wanted to put distance between us, but I’d be damned if I’d let that bastard win.

“I’m never gonna get my security deposit back,” I muttered, looking at the broken shelves near the fireplace and the bloodstain on the carpet there.

“Amy already got everything from the rest of the house,” he reminded me softly. “She could’ve gotten the bedroom, too.”

“No.” I sighed and squared my shoulders. The walk to the bedroom door felt like the longest one of my life.

The curtains had been straightened across the windows, but the bed was down to sheets. I shivered as I remembered Tim wrapping me in the blanket when I was still tied to the headboard. The mirror above the dresser was gone, and nothing remained on the top of the desk. Even the flat screen television was gone from the wall above it.

Christian put a box on the empty desk. “I’ve got a TV on order to replace the one here,” he told me. “Got a contractor comin’ in to replace the mirror there, same day they fix the window in the living room.”

“I don’t even remember them breaking,” I whispered.

“I’m glad you don’t,” he said firmly. “It wasn’t pretty. I can get in here if you wanna start in the bathroom. Amy said your suitcase is under the bed.”

“Yeah, okay,” I said reluctantly, picking up the box from the desk and heading into the bathroom.

I knew he didn’t want me to be alone in the bedroom, and honestly I didn’t want to be alone in there either. Besides, it would be easier picking up toiletries with one hand than trying to pack clothes into a suitcase, especially given the complete uncoordination of my left arm.

There really wasn’t much to gather in the bathroom. We hadn’t lived in the house long enough for much to accumulate aside from the necessities. I put my blow dryer in the box and went back into the bedroom, standing for a minute in the doorway to watch Christian move around the room.

“You all done?” he asked.

“You didn’t have to come with me,” I said in a low voice. “Amy would have—”

“I know she would have,” he told me. “I just thought you’d like to have me here, when you came back.”

I didn’t bother to argue with him, mostly because he was right. 

Once everything was loaded into the suitcases and boxes, I took a last walk through the house. The landlord knew I was planning on coming back when the repairs were complete to turn over the keys. I hoped I wouldn’t have to come in the house again. I hoped I never had to set foot in that house again.

“I wish you’d stay with me,” Christian said in the car on the way back to town.

“Not enough room, Christian,” I reminded him. “We need three bedrooms, just for us, and you’ve only got two. Besides, we won’t be far away.” While I was still in the hospital, Gina had found a lovely three bedroom condo for us just blocks down the street from the one Christian lived in.

“I was just gettin’ used to Cheyenne bein’ around all the time,” he told me.

I looked over at him. “You can still see her whenever you want,” I reminded him. “We’re not goin’ anywhere.”

“Not till after the trial,” he muttered.

Reaching over, I put my hand on his arm. He looked at me in surprise. It was the first time I’d reached out to him since the attack.

“We’re not going anywhere, Christian,” I said softly. “Not unless you want us to go.”

Some part of me was afraid he would want us to go, thought he’d resent me for the pounding his friend had taken in the media, not to mention the fact that he’d had to beat up his best friend to save me. Oh, and there was also the fact that Boreanaz was sitting in jail waiting for the trail that looked like would be months away.

“I don’t wanna tie you dow—” He stopped abruptly as he realized what he was saying.

“Christian, I’m not gonna break if you say something like that,” I told him. “Yes, it was horrible, and yes, I’m still very jumpy but I know that you would never do anything like that, not ever, not to me, not to anyone.” 

He nodded and adjusted his grip on the wheel to take my hand.

“Cheyenne and I planned on staying in Portland while you filmed this season,” I reminded him. “Since you got my job back, nothing about that has changed, all right?”

“And after the season, Kalin?” he asked, glancing over at me. “What about then?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “Your contract with Jeremy will be over, my job will be done. Really done, I think,” I added. “I’m gonna turn in my resignation at the end of the season.”

“Good,” he replied. “I don’t like the idea of you workin’ for a bastard that’d jump when David said how high. Doesn’t mean you’d have to stop workin’ for me, though. I could hire you directly.”

“You don’t have—” 

“You’d earn it,” he said firmly. “I’m still a disorganized bastard, can’t imagine changin’ by the end of the season.”

“Yeah, I guess I could do that,” I agreed slowly, letting my head rest back against the seat and closing my eyes. “Have to find a place in Nashville, I guess.”

“I was thinkin’ about buyin’ a bigger house,” he told me. “Somethin’ with enough room for all of us, and Steve.” 

“Sounds good,” I said softly.

We hadn’t talked about our relationship, but I knew we would. For now it was enough that he wanted to know his daughter, that he wanted to get to know me as well. Anything else would come in time.

 

~ finite incantatem ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter marks the end of the original story. The following chapter is an alternative, darker ending.


	13. Tall Grass - Alternative Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This alternate ending replaces the last three chapters of the original work and falls directly after Chapter 9: In the Darkness. It’s a bit darker than the original ending, so be warned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic descriptions of violence and rape.

~*~ June 23, 2011 ~*~

I dragged myself into the kitchen, taking care not to put any weight on my right arm. I remembered my phone falling to the tile floor and prayed it still worked when I found it. The tile was cold on my bare legs and the temperature felt somehow soothing to the bruises and scrapes covering my body.

It seemed to take forever, but eventually the phone was within reach. I nearly started crying when I saw that it was intact, but I managed to get a hold on my emotions. I knew I didn’t have much strength left and crying would only drain me more.

Pushing the buttons with my left hand felt awkward, but there was no help for it. My right arm was already swelling and I couldn’t move the fingers on that hand. Thankful that I only had four buttons to push I dialed 911 and hit send. Then I rolled into a ball and waited for someone to answer.

“911, what is your emergency?” a woman’s voice sounded in my ear.

“Need police.” My words were only a whisper, but I couldn’t have managed anything more. “Took my daughter.”

“Ma’am, are you injured?”

I made a choked sound that might have been laughter. “Need police,” I repeated, licking my lips and taking as deep a breath as I could manage through the pain in my ribs. “Boreanaz took Cheyenne. Gonna kill her.”

“All right, ma’am, I need your name and address to dispatch officers, can you give me that information?”

I struggled to give her my name and address, pushing back the darkness that threatened to overcome me. “David Boreanaz,” I said as strongly as I could. “He took Cheyenne. You have to stop him. My baby.…”

“I have officers and an ambulance on the way, Ms. Hart,” the woman told me. “Can you wait outside for them to arrive?” 

“No,” I breathed. “Can’t get up. Door’s open.” I knew I was losing it, felt consciousness slipping away from me.

“Ma’am, I need you to stay with me, okay?” the woman’s voice was insistent in my ear. “Stay awake, all right? You’ll need to talk to the police when they arrive.”

“Just closin’ my eyes,” I whispered.

~*~*~*~

The next thing I knew hands were on my arm and hip, turning me onto my back. I lashed out in fear and screamed as my right arm hit the cabinet beside me. It took several long minutes for me to realize that the hands belonged to a paramedic and to calm down enough to let him roll me onto a back board and cover me with a blanket.

“We’re gonna take you to the hospital,” the man told me, “but there are some officers who’d like to ask you a couple of questions first, can you talk to them?”

I nodded and the paramedic moved away, to be replaced by a female officer who knelt beside me. Behind her I could see another officer watching us, this one male. 

“Kalin, my name is Tracy,” she said softly. “Can you tell me what happened?”

I closed my eyes for a moment and concentrated on taking a breath. “Boreanaz,” I whispered. “Came in. Hurt…” the breath I’d taken was gone and it was hard to take another one. “Took Cheyenne.”

“Boreanaz,” she repeated. “Can you give me his first name?”

“D-david,” I breathed.

Her partner looked at us in surprise. “Angel?”

“No angel,” I whispered. “Took Cheyenne. Please…” 

“We’ll do our best to get her back, Kalin,” the woman said gently. “Is there anyone we can call for you? Family, or friends?”

I looked around for my phone, suddenly aware that I hadn’t seen it since I’d been on the phone with 911. “Kane,” I murmured.

“Is the number on your phone?” she asked, looking at her partner, who I realized was holding my phone.

I tried to nod. “Chris Kane.”

“Okay, my partner Merl is gonna call him for you, all right? I’m gonna ride with you to the hospital. We’ll need to have the doctors do an exam on you, do you understand, Kalin? We need to know exactly what he did to you.”

“Rape kit,” I whispered, closing my eyes. 

I kept my eyes closed as the paramedics lifted me onto a gurney and took me outside to the waiting ambulance. The female officer stayed with me, holding my hand as the paramedic started an IV and telling me everything would be alright.

~*~*~*~

It felt like an eternity later that they finally left me alone, left me lying in a hospital bed with a needle in my arm and layers of blankets because I just couldn’t get warm enough. I hadn’t seen Tracy or Merl in a while and I hoped they were off finding my daughter.

“I’m sorry, you can’t go in there,” I heard a nurse say.

“Is she okay?” Christian’s voice came into the room

“I’m sorry, sir,” the nurse replied. “If you’re not family, I can’t talk—”

“I just wanna know if she’s okay,” he growled.

I looked toward the door but couldn’t see anything past the curtain. “Christian,” I called as loudly as I could.

A moment later he was at the foot of my bed with a stunned look on his face. His hair was pulled back in a pony tail and it looked as if he’d left the set to come straight to the hospital. He still had traces of makeup smeared on his face.

“Kalin?” he asked softly, walking slowly down the side of the bed toward me. 

I wanted to cry at the expression on his face, like he was scared and angry and worried all at the same time. I tried not to shrink back as he came to a stop very near the head of the bed, but he saw the movement.

“What happened, Kalin?” he asked gently

“Boreanaz.” My voice was low, but it was as strong as I could make it. “He took Cheyenne.”

“What?” He looked stunned and actually took a step back from the bed. “Why would he do that?”

“He wanted to hurt me,” I whispered. “More than...” I let my words trail off and had to close my eyes as the memory of Boreanaz’s touch on my skin made me want to throw up. “I couldn’t stop him.”

“He-he hit you?” he asked, sounding like he didn’t quite believe me.

“I’m afraid it’s worse than that,” Tracy said as she stepped into the room. “We have an APB out on Mr. Boreanaz. Do you have any idea where he may have taken Cheyenne Hart?”

Christian ran a hand through his hair. “No, I didn’t even know he was here in Portland.” He looked back at me.

“Where were you this evening between the hours of 9 and 11 this evening?” Tracy asked.

He just looked at her for a minute, too stunned to answer, so I did it for him.

“Filming,” I told her, “on set until 10, at least, maybe later.”

“I was still on set when I got the call,” he told her. “Do you know where Cheyenne is?”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot discuss an open—”

“She’s my daughter, damn it!” he growled. “You will discuss it with me.”

His yelling hurt my head, made me want to crawl away from his anger. “Christian,” I said softly, taking my hand out from under the blankets and reaching for him. He saw the movement and took my hand, holding it gently. “Please, Christian.”

He looked down at my hand, at the bruises circling my wrist and scattered on my arm, then looked back at my face. I knew I looked bad. My left eye was swollen shut and there was a bandage on my neck covering where Boreanaz had bitten me. A sling was visible above the blanket where wrapped around my neck to hold my arm immobile until they could put a cast on it.

“Kalin,” he breathed, sounding as if he only just remembered that I’d been hurt. He looked to the officers standing at the foot of the bed. “What the hell happened?”

“We’d like to know that as well,” Tracy said, looking at me. “Do you feel up to giving a statement now?”

I glanced at Christian, but nodded despite the unease I felt about telling the police what his friend had done to me. Christian pulled a chair close to the bed and kept hold of my hand as I told them how Boreanaz had surprised me by being in the house, how he’d been angry that I had showed up in Christian’s life once more. How I’d tried to get to my phone but he’d pushed me against the counter and then hit me. I told them how terrified I was that he’d do something to Cheyenne, how hard I’d tried not to scream. I told them about the plant I’d thrown at him, about running into the living room only to be caught against the wall.

I remembered suddenly what he’d said about paying to have the set collapse when I was pregnant, and told them about that too, about how he’d slammed me against the wall before throwing me down on the table. 

Remembering the impact, I had to stop for a moment to catch my breath. They’d taken x-rays, but the results weren’t back yet as to whether or not I had cracked ribs. When I could talk again, I told them about throwing the broken wood at Boreanaz, about getting to my feet and asking if beating me made him feel like a man. Christian’s hand tightened on mine when I told them how Boreanaz had claimed it was just fun.

I told them how he punched me again and threw me to the ground, about the vase breaking and Boreanaz warning me to stay down. I made sure to tell them how he was certain I wouldn’t go to the cops about the attack, about how girls like me made up stories about strangers when he beat them.

Closing my eyes again I told them about Boreanaz’s knee on my back forcing me to the floor, about grabbing the piece of glass and stabbing him with it, and how he’d broken my arm and punched me into unconsciousness.

I had to stop then. My breathing was fast and shallow, but it felt like I was getting no air at all. I wanted to run away, to sleep forever, to never have to remember what had happened when I had woken up. 

“I know this is difficult, Kalin,” Terry said gently. “Would it help if Merl and Mr. Kane left the room?”

Christian shifted and I looked over to see him giving Terry a confused look.

“Christian,” I whispered. “Maybe you should go.”

He looked back at me, his eyes fierce yet somehow comforting. “I-I’ll go if you want me to, Kalin,” he said softly, “but I’d like to stay, if you’ll let me.”

“Be sure, Mr. Kane,” Terry warned him. “I’m sure it won’t be an easy story to listen to.”

“Worse than what she’s already told us?” he asked, surprised.

She didn’t say anything, just gave him a steady look.

He turned back to me. “I’d like to stay, Kalin,” he repeated gently.

I nodded. “Can you help me sit up a little more?”

It didn’t take long enough for him to move the head of the bed up so that I was mostly sitting. I wanted to put off telling the rest of the tale, but I knew that no matter how long I waited it would still be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Taking another deep breath I told them about the pain in my neck that woke me, how I couldn’t help but scream when I realized what he was doing to me. I told them how I’d tried to get him off, how he’d held my broken arm so tightly I could feel the bones grinding.

Then I told them how he got off of me and told me that he’d make sure I never forgot what happened to sluts who tried to rise above their station. How he’d sounded crazy when told me he’d make sure I never got the storybook ending I was trying for, that Christian would never want to look at me after what he’d done.

I had to stop again, to bring my breathing back to something close to normal before I could tell them how Boreanaz had said he was going to take Cheyenne, that I’d never see her again. Terry seemed surprised when I told them I’d managed followed him out of the room and pushed him through the sliding doors into the screened in porch in an effort to stop him.

Finally I told them about how Boreanaz had hit me again, then kicked me after I’d fallen to the ground. How I’d tried to crawl after him but hadn’t made it to the foyer when he’d carried a struggling Cheyenne down the stairs and out of the house.

“It took me a while, but I made it to my phone,” I said at last. “You know the rest.”

“The dispatcher said you passed out on her,” Terry replied. “I was there when you woke up.”

“Has there been any sign of him?” I asked.

“Not yet,” she told me, “but we will do our best to find him.” She looked at Christian. “Do you think he’d answer if you tried to call him?”

“He might,” Christian replied. “Then again, I was pretty pissed the last time I talked to him. Told him I never wanted to talk to him or see him again. He’d probably know why I was calling.”

Terry’s phone rang and she excused herself, stepping out of the room to answer it.

“Did you and Mr. Boreanaz have an altercation?” Merl asked.

“Yes,” Christian said in a low voice, looking at me. “David is the reason I didn’t know Cheyenne was my daughter until a couple of weeks ago. I was pretty pissed off about it and he—” Christian stopped for a moment and looked back at the officer. “He said that Kalin was lying about it. He was very angry about that. We didn’t talk for long, I told him I didn’t want anything to do with him and hung up. That was, um, a week ago Sunday, I think.”

Terry came back into the room, a smile on her face. “They’ve found Cheyenne,” she told us. “She’d gotten away from your attacker and was hiding in the woods near the house. I have officers bringing her to you now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the abrupt ending. This is an alternate ending, after all, and I have no intention of writing anything further for this story, either version.


End file.
